Running on Empty

"Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But I'm running behind"

I have been running. I've run 4 of the past 5 days, for a total of 16 miles. Not a lot of mileage, but due to it getting dark early and not having any long distance races in the near future, it doesn't really matter. My times are ok, anywhere from an 8:39 per mile pace to a 9 minute per mile pace. Slow, I know, at least for a short distance. Problem is, I have PMS. Yes, PMS: P ost M arathon S yndrome. Ever since I ran the New York City Marathon, running just doesn't mean as much to me. I spent six months preparing for it. I raised nearly $2700 for Autism Speaks, due to the generosity of you guys and friends, family, and co-workers. Now that I'm two plus weeks post marathon, I'm in a running funk. I'm still stuck on my slower than anticipated finishing time. I could have done better; I should have done better. At least I've read the race reviews and read how other runners also had slower than expected times. That helps me feel better. But I'm so stuck on my 4:39:31 finishing time. I didn't want it to end that way. I wanted to PR with a time of 4:22:18 or better. Even a 4:30 would have been ok. As much as I want to accept the 4:39, and keep saying it's only a number and I'm happy I finished, truth is, I'm not happy. NY was supposed to be my grand finale; my race of all races. Dammit, I can't let go. I feel like I let myself down, and even disappointed you guys. All my training, all my run-walk-run reading and training, and I did worse than I did in the 2008 Hartford Marathon. My PR is from that marathon. I didn't train nearly as hard, hit the wall at mile 18, felt like crap the last 8 miles, and still finished 17 minutes faster than I did in NY. During these past weeks I've weighed the pros and cons of training for another "one last" marathon. The cons outweigh the pros. I always go with my gut feeling. I know that deep inside I don't have the desire or motivation to train for another marathon. I don't want to be held captive by a training schedule for six months. There aren't any marathons close by in the near future, so I can't even give it one last marathon run before my distance training and endurance disappears. I'm done venting and complaining. Moving forward, I'm probably going to sign up for the Manchester (CT) Road Race on Thanksgiving. It's a 4.75 mile race that I've run the past two years. It has about 10,000 runners, and it's as claustrophobic as the NY City Marathon was. Actually, it's worse than NY. Smaller roads with a long uphill for the first mile. A hill that a lot of runners end up walking. Last year I was able to maneuver around all the slow pokes and finish in 39:56. The race is televised locally, and taped on NESN. Plus the crowd is fantastic. I'm watching the weather forecast, and if it's going to be a decent day, then I'll enter it. I need motivation. I need reasons to run. This will be a start.